I just learned something. Or maybe I unlearned something. Either way, one of my childhood fears has officially disappeared. I now know that humans cannot drown in quicksand.
That’s right. Quicksand. If you grew up watching television or movies, chances are you were convinced quicksand was lurking around every corner, waiting to swallow unsuspecting victims whole. As a kid, I figured I would encounter quicksand far more often than taxes, insurance forms or spam phone calls. Turns out, I had that backward.
For those unfamiliar with the science, quicksand forms when fine materials such as sand, silt or clay become saturated with water. When the mixture is disturbed, it loses strength and can no longer support weight. The result is a soupy, unstable surface that looks solid enough to walk on — until it isn’t.
Quicksand is commonly found near riverbanks, lakeshores, marshes, beaches and underground springs. Apparently, it is also found on Gilligan’s Island, where it was as common as coconut pie.
A little research revealed something surprising. Quicksand has a density of about 2 grams per cubic centimeter. The human body has a density of roughly 1 gram per cubic centimeter. In plain English, people float better than Hollywood ever admitted. A person can sink into quicksand, but only to about waist level.
Quicksand is also a non-Newtonian fluid, meaning its viscosity changes when disturbed. Step into it, and it behaves more like a liquid. Stop thrashing around, and it becomes easier to escape. The real danger is getting stuck, becoming exhausted or facing environmental hazards nearby, not being swallowed whole. Unfortunately, that scientific reality never made it into the script.
Quicksand consumed countless victims on TV. Tarzan battled it. So did George of the Jungle. Batman encountered it. Electra Woman and Dyna Girl did, too. The Dukes of Hazzard found it. Maxwell Smart stumbled into it. Even soap operas such as “Guiding Light” and “General Hospital” could not resist its dramatic pull. The Incredible Hulk wrestled with it. Indiana Jones survived it. Cartoons from Mr. Magoo and Jonny Quest to Scooby-Doo and the Smurfs all treated quicksand like nature's version of a trapdoor.
The image that stuck with me most, though, came from “Kung Fu,” when David Carradine's Caine calmly rescued people trapped in quicksand. It looked terrifying. It also was wildly misleading.
So, after decades of unnecessary worry, I can finally cross quicksand off my list of fears. It turns out I was preparing for the wrong dangers all along. Quicksand was supposed to be everywhere, according to TV. Instead, I made it through life without encountering a single patch. Meanwhile, nobody warned me about deadlines, passwords, robocalls and property taxes.
Thanks for nothing, Hollywood.
Have a great week, and thanks for reading.
Shane Goodman
President and Publisher
Big Green Umbrella Media
shane@dmcityview.com
515-953-4822, ext. 305 | 
