I received my first alarm clock as a kid in the 1970s. I am quite sure it came from Mom, as did most gifts, regardless of whose name was on the tag.
It was the classic model: round face, two bells on top and a metal hammer that sounded like it was trying to escape. When it went off, it didn’t wake me up so much as accuse me of something. Of course, this only worked if I remembered to wind it, which was a big “if” for a 5-year-old.
This raises a fair question: Why did a 5-year-old even need an alarm clock? I had nowhere to be. And on the rare occasion I did, Mom handled the wake-up call just fine — no bells required. The only real accomplishment of that clock was jolting everyone else in the house while I played with it and giggled.
It also ticked loudly. Not a gentle, soothing tick. More like the kind of ticking you hear right before something explodes in an old TV show. Eventually, it spent most of its life unwound and buried in my toy box where it could do no harm.
A few years later, I inherited an electric clock. This one had a buzzer — because apparently bells weren’t irritating enough — and a dim glow that made it feel futuristic. It also had a snooze button, which seemed like a great idea in theory and a terrible idea in practice. Let’s be honest. The snooze button is not there to help you wake up. It is there to help you negotiate with reality.
Later, I went all-in with technology and bought an alarm clock with a radio. I could wake up to music instead of mechanical panic. Civilization had arrived. I still have one of those clocks today. The radio never comes on, and the alarm rarely goes off. These days, my internal clock wakes me up well before I need it to. No snooze button. No negotiation. No mercy. I do still use it, though. Mostly to check how many hours of sleep I’m not getting.
Ever wonder who started all this? You could give some credit to the rooster, of course. But the Seth Thomas Clock Co. received an official patent for a bedside alarm clock in 1876, and things escalated from there. By 1931, Westclox introduced the chime alarm with the comforting slogan, “First he whispers, then he shouts.” Because what everyone wants at 6 a.m. is a device that eases into yelling. In 1949 came the Moonbeam, which flashed a light before buzzing — like a tiny sunrise followed immediately by regret. Then in 1956, General Electric rolled out the snooze alarm, giving humanity a whole new way to be late.
Today, of course, many of us use our phones as alarm clocks. They work great — right up until when the battery dies overnight, and suddenly it is 10 a.m. and some folks are inventing excuses.
So, yes, I’ve come a long way from that noisy little clock with the bells. But, in the end, I rely on my built-in alarm that doesn’t need batteries, doesn’t have a snooze button and apparently thinks sleep is optional.
Have a memorable Monday, and thanks for reading.
Shane Goodman
Publisher
Big Green Umbrella Media
shane@dmcityview.com
515-953-4822, ext. 305
www.thedailyumbrella.com
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