I don't travel in airplanes very often — a few times a year, at most, and I am just fine with that. NFL coach and broadcasting legend John Madden’s preferred choice of travel was in a vehicle that touched the ground. He might have been on to something.

Being in the air is just part of the problem. The process from beginning to end seems to keep getting more and more complicated, despite improvements in technology.

It starts with ordering tickets. I remember when travel agents were used to book airline tickets. It took longer, yes, but the headaches of ordering were on the agent, not the ticket holder. At first, online ordering seemed like a breeze, back when we weren’t being nickeled and dimed for the “extras” like a carry-on bag, picking a seat or a can of Diet Coke. I upgraded a recent flight because I needed a carry-on bag and I wanted to sit next to my wife. Once I got to the page to pick my seats, I had to pay even more to pick ones that were in front of the engines. Where do these extra fees stop? Don't expect baggage fees to go away, as that revenue stream is now nearly $30 billion per year. Throw in all the other ancillary fees, and the airlines across the globe are raking in more than $100 billion, according to businesstravelerusa.com.

I have conceded that the starting airline ticket price will not be the ending airline ticket price. Fine, but let’s talk about these self-check kiosks that seem to not function properly about half the time I use them. They need to go in the dumpster like the ones in Walmarts and Home Depots.

And can we get some consistency in the security screening at the airport? Laptops in. Laptops out. Take off your watch. Leave your watch on. One hundred milliliters or less of liquids in one quart-sized resealable bag. No need for 100 milliliters or less of liquids in one quart-sized resealable bag. I don’t get it. I thought these were standardized TSA rules across all airports? I follow the rules, but I am a person who likes to know what to expect, and the rules seem to change each time I fly.

We all know that airlines oversell their flights, and for the life of me, I don’t understand how that is legal. Now the game seems to be in forcing travelers to check their carry-on bags, as the airlines are seemingly never able to fit them all in the overhead storage. Again, I don’t understand how a company can knowingly sell a service that they know cannot be delivered.

To avoid some of these hassles, I finally anted up and bought the TSA PreCheck. Now if I could only remember to input the numbers when I order my tickets. Ugh.

If Madden were alive, he would have one word to say about all this: “Boom!”

Have a wonderful Wednesday, and thanks for reading.

Shane Goodman
President and Publisher
Big Green Umbrella Media
shane@dmcityview.com
515-953-4822, ext. 305
www.thedailyumbrella.com

See Shane Goodman's previous columns here.

PEOPLE & PETS
Floppy-eared Fenton

By Jackie Wilson

When Abby Wilson and Tyler Burhenn moved into their own place together, the pair thought a pet might make it more homelike. Abby grew up with cats, a 6-year-old goldfish, hermit crabs, plus turtles Simon and Garfunkel obtained from a spring break trip. Tyler’s only pet was a hamster.

However, their landlord wouldn’t allow dogs or cats. They visited pet stores and animal shelters to research rabbits.

[...]

CITYVIEW's seasonal guide for activities and things to do in Central Iowa

EXPLORE: Classic Eats

By Cyote Williams

Each of these restaurants has been operating in central Iowa for at least 30 years, and many of them much longer. Their flavors have been satisfying generations of Des Moines metro mouths.

Curtain call
Residents share their experiences on stage.

By Ashley Rullestad

Acting dreams
Caethen Stocker, 16, wanted to be an actor on television ever since he was a little boy.
“One day, I told my mom I wanted to start doing shows, and I took a Curtain Call Kids camp here in Grimes,” he says. “In 2019, I auditioned at the Des Moines Community Playhouse for their ‘Celebration of the Century’ show that featured area youth as emerging artists.”

The Des Moines Community Playhouse is a popular spot for community theatre actors. The theatre was founded in 1919 by members of the Iowa Press and Authors Club. The Playhouse is unique in that it has operated continuously, under various names and in various locations, since its founding. With more than 100 years of uninterrupted service, The Playhouse is among the six oldest continuously operating community theatres in the U.S. It is also one of the largest community theatres in the U.S.

[...]

“Unsung Hero” (probably getting ready to stream)
Sometimes, I like to go see movies that I have no idea what they are about. Last month’s gem, “Wicked Little Letters,” was a huge surprise and a real treat. Watch for it on the streaming services. So funny. This month’s surprise is “Unsung Hero,” a movie that has already come and gone. Watch for it on the streaming services. It is the true story of a concert promoter down on his luck after an Amy Grant Australian concert tour fizzled out. He is out of a job and lost a bunch of money. Did I mention he has six kids and a pregnant wife? I’m deliberately not going to give you a whole lot more information, as it is more fun to find out where this crazy-but-true story takes you. Grade: B-

By Michael C. Woody. Woody has been reviewing movies on radio and television since 1986 and can be heard talking movies every Wednesday afternoon at 2:30 p.m. on KXn0 106.3 with Keith Murphy and Andy Fales. You can also follow him on Twitter @MrMovieDSM. 

Happy Birthday Brooke Pulliam!

These celebrities were born on this date: Ariana Grande, Jacob Elordi, Jennette McCurdy, King Bach, Mikey Williams, Aubrey Plaza, Derek Jeter, Indila, Cristian Llama, Iman Shumpert, Shannon Sharpe, Michael Vick, Rudy Gobert, Ryan Tedder, Rudy Gobert, Nick Offerman

SUBMIT: Send your birthday greetings and congratulatory notes to: tammy@iowalivingmagazines.com

The answer to yesterday's riddle:

Why did the worker get fired from the orange juice factory? He lacked concentration! - Mike Chiston, Gail Tomlinson, Judy Anderson. Or, he wasn't squeezing enough profit! - Rex Post.

Today's riddle

Which animal at the zoo makes rude and mocking remarks at human visitors?

Have a guess? Email tammy@iowalivingmagazines.com

To advertise in the Daily Umbrella or Waukee, Norwalk or West Des Moines/Jordan Creek Living magazines, contact:

Martha Munro
Account Executive
Office: 515-953-4822 ext. 314
Mobile: 515-321-5246
martha@iowalivingmagazines.com

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