I collided with a deer Friday night. Or maybe the deer collided with me. I am not sure who hit whom, but I do know one thing: I am the only one standing. And, regardless of how tough I may think I am, watching a deer die on the side of the road isn’t something I care to see again.

I saw the first deer — and what I improperly thought was the only deer — and slowed down. Then four more popped out. Three ran by me, but one chose to stop and stare. You know the “deer in the headlights” saying? This one wanted a good look at my license plate.

The last time I hit a deer was more than 30 years ago. I was driving home from college on a rural road near a wooded area. As I rounded a turn, a big buck was suddenly racing alongside me. It was so close that I could have rolled down the window and pet it. I didn’t. Instead, I slowed down, that buck took a sharp right in front of the vehicle, and I ran over it. Thump. Thump. When I looked in the rearview mirror, the deer stood up, shook it off, and ran back into the woods. I doubt that it lived through the ordeal, but can you imagine being run over and getting back up?

Of course, deer get the worst part of these confrontations, but my truck bumper was a close second on Friday night. After the collision, I pulled over to the side of the road and walked along the highway, searching in the dark for my license plate and grumbling while I picked up dozens of pieces of broken plastic. When I was a young boy, bumpers were made to endure these types of “bumps” with minimal damage. Sure, those massive chrome projectiles may not have been pretty, but they didn’t crumble on impact and result in a few thousand dollars in repairs. I used to mock those who put big grille guards on the front of their trucks. “Just slow down and pay attention,” I would say. Well, I just got my truck back from the body shop two weeks ago, having a rear bumper and tailgate repaired due to a trailer smashing into the rear. Now I have to take it back in to have the front end fixed. Grille guards suddenly don’t look so silly.

I am also rethinking those deer warning whistles that attach to vehicles. Every vehicle seemingly had those when I was a kid. Some say they work. Some say they are a farce. I say for $4.97, they are worth a shot.

After hitting the deer, I counted more than 20 others on my drive home. At times, they can be so peaceful and serene. Other times, they are menacing rodents. Either way, they are not going away, and we are going to have to learn how to co-exist — preferably without the body shop involved.

Have a terrific Tuesday, and thanks for reading.

Shane Goodman
President and Publisher
Big Green Umbrella Media
shane@dmcityview.com
515-953-4822, ext. 305
www.thedailyumbrella.com

View Shane Goodman's archived columns from past issues here.

These celebrities were born on this date: Ben Vereen, Bradley Whitford, Cyril Neville, David Lee Roth, Jessica Harper, Mario Lopez, Tanya Tucker

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What do you call a group of chickens all clucking in unison? A MUSICAL HEN-SEMBLE! - Gail Tomlinson. Also sending answers: Rex Post, Kris Laurson, S. Hill Watkins, Deb Taylor, Carolyn Rogers

Today's riddle

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